It's not fair that I'm the one who has to hurt from this, after I tried so hard to prevent it from happening. I feel so bad, I feel so guilty. I couldn't make you feel like I was worth keeping. I should have kissed you more, and I should have called you sweet things more. I regret not doing that enough. Yet, I also feel so deceived and betrayed, we both should have moved on from our pasts to a new experience together. The past is suppose to be in the past. And I don't understand why you made that decision, I don't think I ever can because it is ridiculous to keep holding yourself back from new things.
It's been 6 days and I don't know why I can't stop feeling this way. It's such misery, and it's stupid. I would have done so much more to keep you, knowing that this was our outcome.

He broke up with me a few days ago because he still wants his ex. OKAY. Go get cheated on and used again. Go right ahead. The fact that I know that is coming, and that's going to taste sweet, does not mean that I don't feel destroyed. I feel betrayed. I feel deceived. I was a rebound.
So I added Billy back and we are going to hang out at some unprecedented time soon. I'm in such a mess. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm literally betrayed. How dare he do this when we confided into each other over all the CRAP our ex (not billy) did to us. Fucking stupid. So fucking stupid, you weak, insecure child. You're suppose to be moving on. You can't keep your head up someone's ass for so long and be treated like dirt.

We've been dating for nearly a month now. Woooo.

I'm on the quest to lose weight again. I'm going to start doing blogilate's videos again and get some healthy food. I try to cut out meat when dieting. I've already weaned myself off mountain dew for a while now. I'd be happy losing 10 pounds, but ULTIMATELY I wish to lose 25.
I don't know exactly which food I'll be getting until I'm actually at the store. But I know I need to get better snacks for myself. That's always my issue. I'm going to get some multigrain pita chips and some artichoke dip, aw yiss. I'd try hummus but, uh, it's been recalled right now. I'm going to find some dried fruit too. OH AND BROCCOLI. I like to keep a list of what to eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner, but I haven't even done that yet. I kind of burned myself out of yogurt and peanut butter crackers, so those are off the list already. I'll probably just do varieties of vegetables for dinner, varieties of fruit for lunch, and breakfast can be special k cereal.

I'm out of college for summer right now. It's been so boring. I'll probably get a job next month to have something to do and to have moneyyyy. I also need to pay off my fines so I can drive. I fucking swear. I was hoping my financial aid check would come so I could pay off quicker, but they only gave me 198 and they won't give me any answers as to why it's almost $800 off of what I should have got.

My Dr Martens fit perfectly, thank goodness! Nothing new has happened. I've been trying to lose 10 lbs. It's such a struggle. This use to be so easy for me. I just can't seem to do it. I have slipped up by eating chocolate and drinking mtn dew. Two no-no's. Today will be better. My classes end in one month, and I might get a job at a veterinary clinic. My friend works there, it's 7.50 an hour. You basically walk dogs, bathe them, cleaannn. Animals > people. Keep the humans away from me.
I've also been talking to a boy. He's younger than me O_O but only be a few months, he's still a senior in highschool. I don't know where it's going to go.

I bought L'Oreal's Magic Beautifier BB Cream the other day. It's pretty nice. It did take out red on my face, like foundation. Mainly I'm wanting a primer, and one that I can find in a drug store. So I heard it was a favorite. I used it a few minutes before I put on my foundation and... I don't know. It felt gross putting the foundation on top of it. My skin looked good though. I didn't really notice my makeup looking cakey. I'll pay better attention the next time I try it out.

Anywaysss. I ordered my first pair of Dr. Martens!!!! I got the 1460 smooth black. I'm excited, yet nervous. I had to gamble at the size. There is no where local that I could try them on at, so my only option was to buy online. Usually, I'm an 8 1/2 and they don't have half sizes! I ended up getting an 8, and I just hope it fits! I didn't get the 9 because I didn't want them to look too big. Plus, they stretch, so I'm thinking it can stretch to an 8 1/2. Hopefully they'll be here soon. Next week?

Lastly, I bought the new Jergen's bb cream body lotion. It's makes my skin veryyy smooth. I can't really tell if it's evening out the skintone though.