Wow. It's been a year into my post-apocalyptic life. Reading back on those last 2 posts, it brought back a lot of those familiar fears of the unknown. A general loss of direction. But hey, here's my update, I'm still alive. I write a lot in my irl journal. Sorry for any typos, I'm using my iPod to type this post.
So I'm still at my job. I'm planning on getting a new one after winter, because the deli is close to where I live so when it snows my managers will come get me lol. I also plan to go back to school next fall, for what a degree?? I don't even know yet. I haven't had internet or cable in almost a year and it hurrrrts. I use those xfinity hotspots on my iPod and it just sucks but I'm use to it by now. I've been better at managing money, the raise I got at work has helped also. Still single, I do everything on my own, I'm a one woman show 💪🏼 but I have been crushing on this guy the entire year. I'm not even going to write about all the confusions and hopes and woes, but he's beautiful and I hold onto hope that it'll work out. HAHA BUT ALSO my manager and I are messing around and I love how scandalous that is. What a great story to tell. He's 34.
I guess that's a good enough summary of this year. Still going on. Super bummed af about Alan Rickman. And Trump. 2016 has been a doozy. Out of all the months, December has treated me well. I'm glad it ends on a good note, hopefully securing a good foundation for better months/years/life to come.

I got a job at a deli, it's cool. I don't start until next week, but I need money so bad right now. My car insurance is running out. I need money so bad. I have nothing.  My aunt disowned me for no reason and shes dragging my name through the dirt. My rich great aunt hasnt said anything to me, and I hope she isnt mad. I need her help so much.
To top things off, my car is screwed up. It wont even start. It's probably going to be 700 to fix it. I hate things so much. How can life shit on me so much. I'm stuck in my house all day. My ex has been staying the night here. We havent done anything. But its nice to have someone here. No news on my lawsuit yet, I dont know if theres a case yet. But my lawyer has the medical records now.

I am so stressed. To do this all on my own essentially. I'm only 20. I need my car so bad. I worked so hard to get my license. Now I have to pay tons of money to fix it, just like I had to pay tons of money to get my license from my fines from high school. Maybe I can get a gofundme set up, because jesus fucking christ, if anyone needs some help right now...

My mom died on the 6th.

What. The. Fuck. It still hasn't sunk in. I'm still in shock. I'm numb. And I fear for when the grieving hits full swing. I'm so stressed, but I try to stay positive and hopeful.

She went to our shitty community hospital on August 30th with pancreatitis. Then they found her unresponsive and foaming at the mouth on September 1st. Our theory is, and we've got a lawyer, that they gave her too much morphine/painkillers, and combine that with her sleep apnea...

I will sue them for doing this and make sure everyone loses their job. It's such a long process. We are still waiting for the medical examiner to sign her cremation form/death certificate. I NEED the death certificate in order to get her medical records to give to the lawyer. I'm scared they will try to cover up their mistakes, which they will try, I just want to prove they caused this because I know they did. She stopped breathing... hello. Under the hospital's supervision. Why didn't they get to her quick enough? Are you kidding me? Pancreatitis didn't kill her. I've just got so much shit to fucking do. I have no time to grieve. I don't do the things I use to do for fun. I play no video games. I don't listen to my favorite music. I'll feel happy but then I realize what is happening in my life and it diminishes. Nothing feels good.

The only thing that will help me is getting justice and the potential shitload of money, obviously. She would be able to fully rest in peace knowing that they paid for what they did and that I'm taken care of. I would buy myself a car, get all my medical needs taken care of, and possibly move out of this town and roommate with my friend somewhere else. The rest would go into my savings for emergencies, and just to sustain me through out life. I would be able to go back to school, too. I was already planning on doing that fall of next year.

I am going to get a job once I get her memorial stuff done with. I hate arranging that. I have no idea what to do or what's appropriate.

I'm bored so I'm posting pics of a sims 2 house I built. Which I rarely build. It's small and colorful and crisp.

I couldn't figure out how to get the ceilings to work?? I know you can have ceilings in sims 2. I even put down the tiles. God idek anymore.

Ughhhhhhhh. I woke up feeling shitty. Same old, same old.

The Fall Out Boy concert was fun. But Samantha lost her keys before FOB even came out so that dampened the mood. Wiz Khalifa almost ran into me, and Patrick was an angel as usual. (petewasstupidasusual)

I'm in such limbo, adult-wise(?) I don't know what I'm doing, and I can't make myself be productive even though I really want to be. I can't put forth the actions to be so. I keep making excuses. I really am tired and I want change. And it must be so annoying for my friends to hear this all the time. Every month I'm like "shitshitshitshit i need to grow up. omg anxiety. im so sad. shitshitshit."

And I'm so bored all the time. I want to go out but no one else does.