Endless hell.

I smoked my first pack of cigarettes this past week. I want some more, but I have to sneak to get them. I'm just depressed  as hell today. WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
I'm trying to be optimistic about things.

Tomorrow I'm going to fast/detox/whatever. I'm bloated and I was to lose some pounds. I'm going to get an infusing water bottle, hopefully, but I'm definitely getting some lemons and cucumbers. Basically that's all I'm going to consume for a few days. Right now I'm eating a jalapeno double from mcdonald's, lol. So long, food.

I'm fed up with fucking everything. I kind of want to quit talking to everyone for a while. I'm tired of being annoying.

I got the drunkest I have ever been the other night and paid for it severely the next day. But I lost 3 lbs because of it so whatever. I haven't weighed this little since 2012.
I also bought my first pack of cigarettes today. I feel destructive, and I want to be destructive to myself. I don't want to keep cutting. I'm really stressed out with life and school. I have psychology homework due since Monday, and then have another due tomorrow and I need to work on it all. Then I have this huge essay for english due this month and I have to do perfect on it because I didn't turn in my last essay because I had a breakdown. So basically, next semester I'm taking a break.

I got my driving permit last week. Fucking finally. I can get my license this December.

OKAY OKAY OKOKOK

SO.

I managed to get into a friend of a friend's Origin to download the Sims 2 Ultimate collection. THIS IS A BIG DEAL. I HAVE WAITED FOREVER FOR THIS MOMENT. It's installing right now. My 11 year old self is SCREAMING. I've never had everything before. I've only ever had a few expansions and one stuff pack for Sims 2. I'm installing it on my old vista computer, rather than this laptop. My vista has a good graphic card and runs Sims 2 perfectly, but I don't know how well it will be with all of these expansions. I'm hoping for the best. It's an old computer. This laptop runs my Sims 2 expansions fine, except it has a bad graphic card that makes the screen flicker. I'd put up with it though if I have to use this one instead.

Man oh man am I excited.

I wish I knew how to put up a better layout. I use to be good at that stuff, but now I actually kind of don't care.
I'm glad it's October. It's definitely fall outside. There's a lot of stuff I like to do in the fall, but I hardly get to. Like the fall festival, haunted houses, carving pumpkins, etc. It's kind of sad to be single right now. I want someone to do couple's stuff with. It's whatever. On Halloween I was really wanting to drink, but my friend made plans to go with this random kid to the club. I don't have anyone to get drinks from. I wish things were okay with Billy and I. I want normalcy back. This weekend I'm supposed to see my other friend. I won't believe that until it happens. She's basically ignored me for 3 months because she got a new boyfriend.

I was also thinking about seeing a therapist again and getting anxiety medicine. The only thing that has ever worked for me is Ativan.

I have this big bullshit college paper that I need to be writing right now. I dread it all.

Crazy ex knows my password to multiple accounts, so I had to change this one around from ffawnn to fawwns.