I'm only posting this as kind of a draft for a possible facebook status. I am sooo upset. This dumbass girl shared a link (http://www.westernjournalism.com/a-christian-defense-of-josh-duggar/) of basically gibberish. From what I deciphered amongst something about Lena Dunham (which I am equally appalled by) and some percent signs thrown around and pulling out the old "u hate me because im a conservative christian" card, it's apparently normal to molest your sisters and all teens do it? So pray for Josh. Because he learned his lesson. And his victims are invalid. Thanks jesus.
I don't care what religion or lack of you have, what color your skin is, or your gender, this action is gross and wrong and should never -ever- be justified.
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I've always felt guilty for watching the Duggars. I started watching their show when I was really young, so it remained a habit to keep up with them even though I was fully aware of how problematic and ignorant they are. After what has happened recently, I will no longer watch their show or reruns (if it airs again.)
I'm really making this status because I am appalled and livid over people defending Josh's actions. What he did was absolutely disgusting. No excuses. At 14 years old, you are fully aware of whether something like that is right or wrong. That is not normal behavior, even though I read a ludicrous article that said it is. Are you trying to tell me it's ok to touch someone inappropriately without their consent? He chose to do that to 5 girls, 4 of which was his sisters, even on occasions while they slept. Disgusting. And disgusting people are defending him.
This is not about people attacking the Duggar family because of their religious and conservative views. People are outraged because Josh Duggar molested 5 girls. I don't give a crap if his victims "forgave" him, I know sure as hell they never forgot about that. That psychologically screws you up, and praying to God does not erase the psychological wound. Their forgiveness does NOT justify his actions. And their parents didn't seek out the right repercussions for what he did. Josh had to go build a house for 4 months while being mentored by a church elder??? What????? Well shit, that'll teach him! Let's not forget the policeman that gave him a "stern talking to" has been convicted of child porn and is serving 50+ years in prison.
How? Can? People? Defend? This? BS? It really makes me doubt that his victims received proper counseling. And that is so heartbreaking. Don't even get me started on his girlfriend (now wife) still agreeing to date him after finding out what he did. I would be out of Arkansas faster than him saying "green bean casserole."
TL;DW: Do not defend or support Josh Duggar or his parents, obviously.
April 10, 2015
I went to the dentist the other day and due to my acid reflux, I have my FIRST cavities. 4, all on my front teeth. I can't even afford to fill them all at once, but I'm hoping I can do 2 of them. That's on May 5th. I'm so upset and scared lol.
I got the new Sims 4 expansion pack. It's cool. I'm bored though, god. I officially got tickets to the fall out boy concert in july. wooooo!
And ohhh my,I finally found some flawless foundation. It's that Fit Me matte & poreless.
February 13, 2015
B and I are getting our friendship tattoos sometime next month. We agreed on the pisces constellation on our upper rib. But now I'm self conscious (also, i've been spelling that like conscience forever, ugh) of getting the tattoo done, not having the tattoo in general. It's the fact that a stranger is going to be all up on my stomach area. It makes all my dieting issues come back, because I want my stomach to be thin. Now I'm probably going to start doing my old shenanigans for this.
January 14, 2015
I SWEAR I've updated since November??? At least I have in my paper journal.
Trigger warning...
Like, things aren't really different, yet they kind of are, but mentally and emotionally. I think I'm generally happier now and more positive. More close to how I use to feel prior to 2014. In December I had this huge breakdown, and that's usually what it takes for me to snap back to normal. But this was a mega meltdown, like I didn't even know how to go on. So I think due to it's magnitude, I'm better for the long run now. I've been diagnosed with depression since 2011. 2011 is very comparable to 2014 with the amount of shit I had to go through emotionally. But the self-harm wasn't as bad as 2011, except during said December breakdown. With that said, I'm really scared that something is going to knock me off balance and make me spiral down again. I've been feeling good for a month now. I do NOT want to feel bad again. I think the fact that 2014 is over is really helpful too. I have such hope for this year. On New Years I took a shot, so things started off nicely lol. New Year's was a really nice time.
Billy still initiates conversations with me, the past two times in a row. It's really 'wtf'. I think he does it to brag? Because clearly it's not to get together. The first time he was talking about how he saw me and he was driving some kind of specific car, but I know not one shit about cars so good try at making me envious. The second time he was talking about how he was going to move away and that he's never felt more right about anything in his entire life. Subtle jab at me, I feel like. Because I wasn't the "rightest" decision he made. But that's ok. I played it cool and kept my words short.
OH. Fucking shit sick, ok, so last month someone vandalized our car and broke out the back window completely. Such bullshit. It's still not fixed because my mom can't afford to do it. So we've got this opaque plastic crap in place of a window. I can't see through it, that's dangerous, therefore I cannot practice driving. Are you kidding me? Will I ever get this license??? Yes I will. But I'm impatient and I want to go forth with me life. I really need to get a job too. That stresses me out because I really need to take that step. Now. Maybe it's procrastination, but I want to have my license before a job. It eats away at me. But it's only 14 days into the year.
I also want my license before I date again. I'm going to give okcupid a try, since S met her boyfriend on there and he's not a total insane creep that you would except to find on dating websites. So that's hopeful. I really hope I luck out. I really don't expect to find my soulmate the first try, but someone at least long-term would be cool. Speaking of soulmates, B got engaged to her bf of a few months and I'm really confused (not really) but still...
Ugh, I get nervous saying everyone's names on here, in case someone found this blog. I'm more secretive than I use to be though. Maybe I should just do first initials. I don't really talk shit though. Everyone talks shit.
Lol, I went back and did that to my friend's names, but they're still in other posts. Whatev.
Oh, and I took this semester off college. Best decision. lol. I have no clue what I'm doing.
Trigger warning...
Like, things aren't really different, yet they kind of are, but mentally and emotionally. I think I'm generally happier now and more positive. More close to how I use to feel prior to 2014. In December I had this huge breakdown, and that's usually what it takes for me to snap back to normal. But this was a mega meltdown, like I didn't even know how to go on. So I think due to it's magnitude, I'm better for the long run now. I've been diagnosed with depression since 2011. 2011 is very comparable to 2014 with the amount of shit I had to go through emotionally. But the self-harm wasn't as bad as 2011, except during said December breakdown. With that said, I'm really scared that something is going to knock me off balance and make me spiral down again. I've been feeling good for a month now. I do NOT want to feel bad again. I think the fact that 2014 is over is really helpful too. I have such hope for this year. On New Years I took a shot, so things started off nicely lol. New Year's was a really nice time.
Billy still initiates conversations with me, the past two times in a row. It's really 'wtf'. I think he does it to brag? Because clearly it's not to get together. The first time he was talking about how he saw me and he was driving some kind of specific car, but I know not one shit about cars so good try at making me envious. The second time he was talking about how he was going to move away and that he's never felt more right about anything in his entire life. Subtle jab at me, I feel like. Because I wasn't the "rightest" decision he made. But that's ok. I played it cool and kept my words short.
OH. Fucking shit sick, ok, so last month someone vandalized our car and broke out the back window completely. Such bullshit. It's still not fixed because my mom can't afford to do it. So we've got this opaque plastic crap in place of a window. I can't see through it, that's dangerous, therefore I cannot practice driving. Are you kidding me? Will I ever get this license??? Yes I will. But I'm impatient and I want to go forth with me life. I really need to get a job too. That stresses me out because I really need to take that step. Now. Maybe it's procrastination, but I want to have my license before a job. It eats away at me. But it's only 14 days into the year.
I also want my license before I date again. I'm going to give okcupid a try, since S met her boyfriend on there and he's not a total insane creep that you would except to find on dating websites. So that's hopeful. I really hope I luck out. I really don't expect to find my soulmate the first try, but someone at least long-term would be cool. Speaking of soulmates, B got engaged to her bf of a few months and I'm really confused (not really) but still...
Ugh, I get nervous saying everyone's names on here, in case someone found this blog. I'm more secretive than I use to be though. Maybe I should just do first initials. I don't really talk shit though. Everyone talks shit.
Lol, I went back and did that to my friend's names, but they're still in other posts. Whatev.
Oh, and I took this semester off college. Best decision. lol. I have no clue what I'm doing.
November 10, 2014
Endless hell.
I smoked my first pack of cigarettes this past week. I want some more, but I have to sneak to get them. I'm just depressed as hell today. WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
I'm trying to be optimistic about things.
Tomorrow I'm going to fast/detox/whatever. I'm bloated and I was to lose some pounds. I'm going to get an infusing water bottle, hopefully, but I'm definitely getting some lemons and cucumbers. Basically that's all I'm going to consume for a few days. Right now I'm eating a jalapeno double from mcdonald's, lol. So long, food.
I smoked my first pack of cigarettes this past week. I want some more, but I have to sneak to get them. I'm just depressed as hell today. WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
I'm trying to be optimistic about things.
Tomorrow I'm going to fast/detox/whatever. I'm bloated and I was to lose some pounds. I'm going to get an infusing water bottle, hopefully, but I'm definitely getting some lemons and cucumbers. Basically that's all I'm going to consume for a few days. Right now I'm eating a jalapeno double from mcdonald's, lol. So long, food.
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