My mom died on the 6th.

What. The. Fuck. It still hasn't sunk in. I'm still in shock. I'm numb. And I fear for when the grieving hits full swing. I'm so stressed, but I try to stay positive and hopeful.

She went to our shitty community hospital on August 30th with pancreatitis. Then they found her unresponsive and foaming at the mouth on September 1st. Our theory is, and we've got a lawyer, that they gave her too much morphine/painkillers, and combine that with her sleep apnea...

I will sue them for doing this and make sure everyone loses their job. It's such a long process. We are still waiting for the medical examiner to sign her cremation form/death certificate. I NEED the death certificate in order to get her medical records to give to the lawyer. I'm scared they will try to cover up their mistakes, which they will try, I just want to prove they caused this because I know they did. She stopped breathing... hello. Under the hospital's supervision. Why didn't they get to her quick enough? Are you kidding me? Pancreatitis didn't kill her. I've just got so much shit to fucking do. I have no time to grieve. I don't do the things I use to do for fun. I play no video games. I don't listen to my favorite music. I'll feel happy but then I realize what is happening in my life and it diminishes. Nothing feels good.

The only thing that will help me is getting justice and the potential shitload of money, obviously. She would be able to fully rest in peace knowing that they paid for what they did and that I'm taken care of. I would buy myself a car, get all my medical needs taken care of, and possibly move out of this town and roommate with my friend somewhere else. The rest would go into my savings for emergencies, and just to sustain me through out life. I would be able to go back to school, too. I was already planning on doing that fall of next year.

I am going to get a job once I get her memorial stuff done with. I hate arranging that. I have no idea what to do or what's appropriate.