Blah. I'll be going to juvie for missing school. :\ Two of my friends may be int here with me. I'm thinking this will probably be in February. It sucks. But I don't even care anymore. I want school to be over and I want to be 18 now!!
I've had an eventful past week. My ex came back into the picture. It's a complex situation and I don't feel like going into detail. Ugh. Life is annoying and stressful right now.

Godddd. I haven't updated in a while. Nothing much has really happened. I got my eyebrow pierced last month and it was awesome, but a few days ago I had to replace it with a spacer for my choir concert, then it came out in my sleep and the hole grew in. I got Sims 3 Supernatural & Seasons! Ahh! I finally built a decent house on my own. Since there is nothing else left to really say, I'll just show the picture of it.

School is fine now. I got out of art and I'm in keyboarding now, and all friends are in lunch with me. Court went great. Basically, I'm set up for review on my birthday in march, and if everything is fine, they will drop everything.
On Thursday we had this investments in learning assembly at school and I won $100 (second year in a row, yeahh!) And the local news station was there and the producer tricked me into being interviewed! I thought he just wanted to talk to me about the reward I got, no, he put a microphone on me the cameraman was in my face. T_T  Ugh.
But I'm so happy, I needed that money for clothes! Gah. I get the check on Tuesday.  I've been trying to diet for homecoming, but it's so hard. At least I'm maintaining and not gaining though. I'm 126, but I'm still going to try my best to get to 115 by homecoming night (October 20th.)

School started yesterday. My senior year. It really sucked. I'm pretty bummed. It wasn't how I wanted it to be. My depression has come back really bad for the past month, so I'm on Zoloft again. Now my anxiety has come back full forced. Before I even got to my 1st block yesterday, I has a meltdown and wanted to leave. My brain is so fucked up. I wish I were normal. I'm going to see my psychiatrist and get some Ativan to help my anxiety for a little while.
I have to fix my schedule asap though. My 3rd block causes me hell. It's art and I'm all alone in there, and I'm just not good at art. Then I have a really shitty lunch with only ONE girl to sit with, and she is kind of annoying. All of my friends have different lunches. I already filled out a form to turn in to request a new schedule. I'm going to replace art with French II with my friend, then I'll have lunch with her, then for 4th block I'll have Keyboarding with another friend. Everything will get better, I know that. I'm just impatient and anxiety ridden. Hopefully by tomorrow I will get the good news that my schedule is revised to my liking.
Writing all of this is helping me and my thoughts. A few hours ago I had a total breakdown...

Well, since my last post. That money came and I got some clothes and a great camera. I also got Sims 3 Showtime and Skyrim.... Skyyyyriiiimmm is muh lyf. I'm a level 27 (I think) wood elf named Fawn xD She is also a werewolf and is married to a fellow werewolf named Farkas. And I have Shadowmere, buwahahaa! I can't wait to get xbox live and get the Dawnguard dlc.... vampire lord here I come!
Oh, and court. Wait, first off, I didn't complete community service; however, I haven't heard any news about that... maybe they'll forget c: But court, I went at the beginning of the month, they extended to last Monday, then once more extended it now to September 5th. They are waiting on the results of my "nasal endoscopy", which I will delightfully get to experience next week. ._.

Well I did lose those extra pounds, and I can fit a size 7 jeans!! I went down two sizes. However, I'm not 119, but I will be. I'm like 122/123, which is cool for now. I've been waiting on my mom to get her college money so we can go shopping and get a new camera and such, and it is sooo late! I'm going crazy waiting for it! It's suppose to get her before August.. 3 more days, or 2 not counting Sunday since mail doesn't run. If it doesn't come today, I'm going to puke on someone's face.

I'm annoyed!! God!! I reached 119 lbs, but my swallowing has been getting better so I've been drinking more stuff. So one morning last week I drank like 6 Ensures in a row and gained 5 lbs. So now I'm 125. I'm so upset. You'd think you wouldnt gain weight with only liquids.

Summer break has been boring as hell. Everyone is always too busy to hang out, and I am always too sick. I don't know how I'm going to do community service. I mean, I'll definitely be able to finish on time, but I want to finish sooner than that.
July, however, is looking pretty nice! I want to experiment on my looks. I'm going to go blonde.. dun dun dun. It's just something I NEED to try. I'm aiming for a nice, natural looking blonde, not a white/bleached deal. I'm hoping I'll only need two bleaching sessions, and that the toner will do a good job of getting rid of brassiness. I've already picked out a nice deep conditioner. My hair is pretty strong, so things should go well. I'm trying to do this in a 3 day period though. I'd also like to try dark purple sometime, unless I really like blonde and keep it. I'm going to cut my bangs too. Not straight across, but angled-like.
Next month I'm also going to buy Sims 3 World Adventures and/or Showtime, and I'm going to begin running 2 miles per day with new exercise clothes! Yeeee!! =3 Alssooooo, whenever this may be, before school starts I want my eyebrow done and a tattoo. For my tattoo, it's going to be a reward for losing weight. I want it on my hip area, and it will be cherry blossoms with the kanji japanese symbol for "dream". I drew out the symbol myself, so it's specialzzz.
Eh, anyway. I feel pretty yucky right now. There's nothing to do either. I guess what I should do is sleep.

I want to do something crazy with my hair next month. Purple or blond, hmm. Both will be done, but which first? I may go with purple. And I'm going to cut my bangs. I also want a piercing and tattoo before school starts.

Anyway. Fuck Stardoll.

I've kind of quit P90X. I'm way to sick to continue. I still plan on running, and doing the blogilates stuff, but p90x is too much right now. At least I lost another half inch on my thighs.
I'm getting a brain scan on the 12th to see is anything neurological is affecting my swallowing. It sucks. I feel like shit every day. I don't know how I'm going to handle the beach.

I'm still doing p90x, but I don't feel like it's enough. I want to see results faster.. sooo,
I'm going to begin running a mile every day, and as I build up endurance, I'll gradually add more miles. Running is so nice! I've always wanted to do it. It'll be so good for my legs. I won't be able to start until next week though, when I get back from the beach. I'm going to get some nice exercise/running clothes. Also, I found this cool thing called Blogilates. It's on youtube, pinterest, tumblr... everywhere! It's really nice workouts by this girl named Cassey Ho. She has everything! Legs, inner thighs, cardio, blahhh! I'm going to begin doing some of her stuff, which I started 2 days ago. She has so much stuff I want to do, I'm going to do one workout video a week. I came up with a schedule:

Week 1 - Bikini Blaster 2x a day
Week 2 - Call Me Maybe Squat Challenge 1x
Week 3 - Perky Butt n' Long Lean Legs 1x
Week4 - Fat Melting Routine 4x
Week 5 - Inner Thigh Insanity 1x
Week 6 - Bikini Bootcamp 1x or more







In other, less enjoyable news. I have to go back to court. WHAT THE FUCK. I only have 4 more days of school, what do they want from me? I can't help it that I got sick, and still am!

lol. i'm in alternative school right. i'm bored and everyone is annoying. woooo. and i hate the outfit i wore today... i feel PHAT. -__-" i have p90x legs & back + ab ripper x. i shall bring it, because i'm going to the beach in 3 weeks. i hope i lose some more. my weight is starting to plateau, which is normal. so now the inches will be dropping like crazo. yes, please!!

"They're calling, calling, calling me home, calling, calling...." I'm really in love with that song.

There's 2 more weeks of school left. Since I missed so many days, I have to go to alternative school. Basically, it's beside my school and it's where all the crazies and trouble makers go :DD No. I dread it. I'm only there to make up my credits. The administrater made a deal with me, that if I pass my English (already did) and math SOLs, I will get both those credits. Math. Ugh. I'll try.

I need to exercise! I have Kenpo X today, and Ab Ripper since I forgot to do it the other day. I'm kind of tired though. And I want to play Left4Dead. Hmm.. perhaps I'll play my game, do ab ripper, rest or take a nap for an hour or two, then do kenpo. Yes! That's the plan.

I. Rule.

The results are in!

Today is Day 30 of P90X. I went ahead and took measurements. I'm also taking pictures tonight (however, none of these pics will be seen until Day 90!)

Weight:
DAY 0 - 139 / DAY 30 - 129

Waist:
DAY 0 - 30.5 /  28

Hip:
DAY 0 - 38 /  35


R. Arm:
DAY 0 - 11 / 10.5


L. Arm:
DAY 0 - 10.5 / 10.5

R. Thigh:
DAY 0 - 22 / 21.5


L. Thigh:
DAY 0 - 22.5 / 21.5

Body Fat Percentage has went from 26% to 25%. So if my calculations are correct, I've lost 7.5 inches total. I guess that's good, right?

Ohhmigawdd, so happy and excited! Well firstly, tomorrow will be my first day back at school after 3 weeks O_O It's also my senior picture days... and my face has broken out. And I have a meeting with my mom and the attendance woman that I hate. So, tomorrow will be interesting.
The happy news is that I'm going to the beach (2nd time evaaaa) with my friend Bethany next month. I found this really cute bathing suit!! I want itttt. I'm going to work extra hard to at least lose an inch per thigh, because they make me self-conscience. T_T
Day 60 of P90X (which is when results really kick in) will be just a few days after we go to the beach, so I'm hoping to look lovely. But yeah. That's pretty much what's up. I have to do a Barrium Swallow on Thursday... awful. Something mechanical may be wrong with my swallowing, meaning my muscles might not be working properly to swallow correctly. I dread that. Barrium is awful.

I think I'm going to go play some Sims 3 then p90x. Here's the bathing suit I want. It's from JC Penny's.

My endoscopy went well. If was different from last time. I'll give a brief summary (this isn't brief) :3

Once I was registered and arrived in my room, I got in my gown and waitin to get my IV's put in. There was an old woman patient on the other side of the curtain, and she would not stop farting. No. I'm talking ERUPTIONS. My mom and I were trying to conceal our laughs. What made it funnier is the woman would comment about each time to her friend. Such as, "Ahh, much better." and "Might as well have shame then hold it and have pain!" It was some kind of comedy skit!

After all of that, I was wheeled down the recovery area I guess, so I could wait my turn to get my procedure done. Everyone was really nice, just like last time. And everyone kept complimenting my shitty nails. Then came the "laughing medicine" to calm me down >:) Oh, it is lovely. Muchhhh different than last time. It was more intense this time. The walking away after administrating it, and I laughed so hard at him. Then my arm went cold and everything got heavy and I felt drunk. At that point, I did not care what would happen.

So I go back to the operating room. The anesthesiologist made me roll on my side and he put a pillow behind my back and put oxygen on me. My awesome doctor came over and I think she put her hand on my shoulder, then put this plastic thing in my mouth to keep it open, and I was out. I didn't even know he put the sleeping drugs in yet.

So I slur away being brought back in my room. Apparently I was looking at my nurse cross-eyed, then I started laughing again. I rested for a while and my doctor came back in with results. Basically my esophagus is really inflamed, my hernia is still there and I may possibly get it fixed in a few weeks, I was dilated a little, and there was a lot of bile in my stomach. o.O Boomer. Also, my "insides are as pretty as I am on the outside."


So right now I'm just sitting her. I took a nap and woke up and my throat to my stomach hurts :\ It's not comfortable. It's a hard thing to describe. My chest hurts, but it's not my chest. It's really achy. And my friend and I are suppose to go to IHOP this morning, I hope I can do it. I think I may get a kid's dish, because they have smaller portions which are perfect for me... or I may get a crepe. Who knowwwws.

Okay, so I hate the new Blogger layout/dashboard thing. However, it showed me my blog views and I have a lot more than I expected o.O People actually read my blog?? lol. I was never really looking for popularity or anything. I don't even have the comments enabled because I kind of don't want to hear anyone's opinions on my thoughts xD (however, if you did ever want to talk to me, you could find my contact info.) I mostly keep a blog as an online journal, because it is much more quicker to update opposed to writing it down by pen. Plus, I like the sound of typing...mmm. 


I think I'm going to change my blog's layout. Idk. Or at least add some widgets to the side panel, like I did to my last blog.

I'm in a writing mood. I'm just so bored right now. Everyone else is busy. And I haven't been to school in so long. Maybe I'll go play Left4Dead.... but it's more fun to play with my friends. -__- Why can't my cat have the mental capacity to play a video game with me?

Crapola has went down since my last post. And it truly sucks.

First off, I have very bad acid reflux, hiatal hernia, and gerd. Therefore, dysphagia. I 've had swallowing issues since 2nd grade. It takes me an incredibly amount of time and effort to eat. Right now, I'm not eating anything, and hardly drinking. For about a week now. It is the worst feeling. My limps feel stiff and weak, I'm dizzy, I see spots, I'm missing school (a week!!), and it is out of my control. I weigh 130 lbs right now... cool I guess. P90X is very difficult, because I do not have nearly enough fuel in my body. This has happened before, Summer '08 (which I talked a lot about in my previous blog.) I feel like this one is worse, because it gets so bad sometimes that I can't swallow spit. It sucks.

Today I met with a specialist who helped me before. I'm getting a 2nd endoscopy done Thursday. I'm excited because the first one was kind of fun xD But that's what's up.

Also, I'm happy to say I am FINALLY losing inches. Very little, but it's progress. 5.5 all together. 2 inches from my waist (my waist is the least of my concerns, blahh!), .5 inches each from both arms, 1 inch from my hips, and.... 1 and .5 inches seperately from my thighs.

Now I'm motivated to continue xD This is also my 1st recovery week, but since last week I was very ill, I'm extending 1 more week and skipping recovery. Next Monday I'm just going to jump right into phase 2 (or else I'd be confused with my days.) So yeah. Good signs for the coming months. :D

I deleted my previous post where I was upset from only losing weight and not inches.

Wooo! It's my 5th day into p90x. I weight 136 now, so I've lost 3 lbs since beginning! While that's nice, and 135 has always been my mini goal weight, I want inches to be lost. I'll take my inches after 30 days, so May 9th.

Shoooo-weee!

P90X arrived today (Gerard Way's bday, woot woot!) I decided I'm doing the Lean version. I just finished my first work out, which was Core Synergistics. Jesus Christ. I'm proud of myself. I pushed myself, modified exercises, and attempted each workout till the end. Don't get me started about the sweat...omfg, sick. But it felt good to sweat so much, because I knew I did something right. I need to shower, but I'm so weak and sleepy. Ahhh!! Horror!

So on Tuesday a guy mailed my mom's whole wallet back!! ♥

& I got my prom dress today!! Tuesday my mom is ordering p90x FINALLY. We have to wait until Tuesday because we are going to be billed each month (for 3 months) for the payment, so that way we will have money in the bank each time. I'm excited. I've waited so long! I want to begin asap! I want to try and slim up as much as I can by prom (because the dress makes my butt look large, lol.) I bought some nice exercise shorts from Wal-Mart, but they didn't have my size so I need to return them. They better have it this time >:P Also, when the orderly is finally placed, I'll have to begin my minor workouts again (like lunges, squats, and such) to warm up my body - it's strongly advised o.0 Because p90x is going to whip my ass...off.

Here's the dress!


Notice the lines on the left pic? I finally got my good "photography" camera back, but since it wasn't used for so long, the shutter is stuck open so all my pics have lines and are usually overexposed. I can only take decent pics, like on the right, if I use the video option. -_-

I met my attorney today and I basically will go to juvie for 2-6 days. Wonderful. However, she is trying to work with my school lessen that amount or even not let me go at all and just do community service...I hope so!!! Christ. This sucks so much because I'm not a BAD KID. I don't belong in juvie. However, my court date was moved to April 16th.....PROM WEEK. WTF, really?? I am NOT missing my first prom. If I go for 6 days or more I will miss it. Fuck no. I'm still buying my dress. I don't have an extreme case, I'm not failing any classes, so why would I go 6 days. God. I'm I must go to juvie, at least give me only 2 days.

GOD. So on Friday my mom got her $600 college money. Yay, right? Uh no.

The next fucking day she was a the laundromat and EVERYTHING was stolen. Her whole wallet. The money, social security cards, drivers license, medical cards, ev-re-thing. I'M SO MAD. OF COURSE we can never have money or be happy, of course!! I didn't get to order p90x, and I can't get a prom dress. I have to wait for this stuff for who knows how long! We've waited 3 months for this money to arrive! Perfect fucking timing.

P90x is the least of my worries. We can get that on the 1st or 3rd. My prom dress issue kills me. Harrison said he would help em get one, but I don't want his money unless it's a last resort. My mom's friend from Arizona is sending in money though and I don't know how much. I'd like a little over $200, that will give me a decent cheap dress. I'm just so mad and upset. I also wanted to dye my hair. I cried for like 30 minutes over this.

And of course, whoever the fuck stole it is obviously going to use the money for drugs. No one in their right mind would steal a whole damn purse.

My weight is still plateaued. Since my b-day, I have been eating everything lol...but my weight is still basically the same. I've decided I'm going to give P90X a try...which will kill me, lol. I'm very excited! It WILL work if I stick with it. My eating can be easily controlled, it's just sticking with the insane workouts. I say insane with seriousness...this is the god of all work outs. I'm going to end up getting a 6 pack, lmao. I'm also going to try really hard to eat better and not starve myself. I really need energy for this work out. I also need to focus on sleeping better and staying less stressed.

Now, as long as I don't have to go to fucking juvie, things should be fine. >:|

I'm not happy.

My weight has plateaued. It's been stuck at 139-140 for days. The only solution is for me to eat more to get my metabolism back.

Secondly, tomorrow is my birthday and my boyfriend OF COURSE has to work from 3-10pm. Our plans were completely abolished. So now, I have nothing to do, because I don't want to be with my friends. I want to be with him, like we intended. I still get to see him at 10 and I'll stay the night and go out to Olive Garden for lunch (oh and i just realized, for lunch it would look a little silly of me to get all dressed up, as opposed to dinner. ugh.)

I just ate some chips and I don't feel bad for doing so...yet. T___T I think my period is coming.

Weight loss has been going well (: I'm basically 141 right now...only about 5 more lbs until my goal weight #1. I can't wait to have my birthday dinner with my boyfriend next week :3 I hope to be in the 130's by then! I already picked out the outfit I want to wear and it looks lovely. However....


My friend is such a little bitch. She is insensitive & narcissistic. She is ALWAYS bringing me down. I can't stand it. And she mocked me because I'm unable to eat well. I told her about it today and she said "Fucking sorry? Chill out." Fuck you too. The 'however' part from above comes in to play because I butchered my leg and arm. My leg is the worst. I'm hopping to get it cleared up as much as possible by next Friday because I'm wearing a dress.

I need to sleep.

I have finally lost 5 lbs! Woooo! I really need to exercise though, hopefully tonight I will. My birthday is March 9th. I'll be 17 and I don't have my driving permit!! jrgkrjgrl! I really want to get it next month so I can feel more my age. Besides that, I was trying to say, I want to get back down to 140 or less by the 3rd, so when I go birthday shopping I can buy clothes with confidence. ^__^
I definitely can get to 140 as long as I stay determined...

But 135 would be nice.

RANT TIME! Topic: Attention Whores.

I fucking hate attention seekers. What brought up this topic? A dumb little bitch on my facebook who made a status that said "hmmmmm...I think I'll starve myself. What do you think facebook?" Uh, fuck you. Of course, she got the attention she wanted. The comments consisted of "no! your so tiny!" etc etc. And there was a few who called her out on her BS myself included. She then tried to pull a sob story like "i use to be an anorexic! my ex boyfriend told me to starve myself. if you guys knew anything about me you'd stop!" Once again, fuck you bitch. Yeah, you are the ONLY person to ever have an eating disorder, right? What about the people who STILL have eating issues that read your status? What a dumb, self-centered little shit. After that I HAD to go exercise.

I'm 98% to the weight I was before I gained those wretched 5 lbs. This time I won't give-in. I shall keep losing. >:)

I got really sick two days after that post. Which resulted in insomnia and gaining weight. My insomnia is still happening. It's terrible. I can't control it and it has affected school. I can never wake up to go to school; I have already missed 9 days (10 is the limit, according to the policy!) And another fantastic thing, I have to go to court for violating my petition thing. It'll be my 3rd time go to court for truancy. JUVIE. I will fucking die in there. That is not the place for me! My school doesn't give a shit! They know there is an issue here, but won't do anything to help me after I tell them and tell them. I have anxiety, depression, and insomnia, why the fuck can't I finish up this semester online?!?!!!!?! Fuck everyone.

I've been surprisingly losing weight without really trying. Right now I am 147.4. I'm glad though. It'll become easier not to eat because I'm so stressed and upset. And it's Saturday right now and there is NOTHING to do!! No one is here when I really need them.

I was stuck around 147/146 since my last post until yesterday. Now I am 145 :) I'm guessing I'll be 144 by the end of the school day! I didn't exercise today though, I needed a break.

I've also started 2nd semester, which greatly SUCKS compared to 1st. I have to retake 2 classes...with 10th graders (i'm in 11th). I hate them, but they are tolerable. I have Geometry B pt 2, Psychology, Biology, and English. I also got my report card today for the 2nd nine weeks last semester. I got A, B, A, C. But my overall semester grade was A, B, A, B. I just want this semester, and my weight loss, to hurry up :P

I'm really excited for Valentine's Day because I get to have a legit "valentine", my boyfriend ^__^ We were broken up last time, which was depressing. I think he's going to take me out to Olive Garden, mmm. So I'm hoping to drop 7 lbs by then.

Meh. My fingers are tired and I need to try and sleep or something.

I don't know what the deal is. I don't eat anything, but I have been stuck at 149. Right now I'm 148 though. I guess it's my period, that won't ever end!

I started my diet like, a week after my last post. It's kind of insane. I go half a day without eating and I don't notice. I lose 1 pound per day. Right now I am at 149 lbs, where a few days ago I was 155-56. According to the chart below (which I update each time I lose a pound), now my goal weight can be reached on March 17 or so.
What sucks though, I get VERY thirsty now. But I'm scared to drink. I drink a sip of stuff. Ehh.

I got a new graphics card and it completely fixed the problem. However, our computer got a virus and everything was deleted. FEJNWTG895YE34Y6H!@q%&$y^ui
My mom said she will get me a xbox 360 next month instead. I really want Fable II and Left 4Dead 2 :DDD

I'm trying to lose weight. Usually I lose weight during the summer, but I'm starting early this year. I'm on the birth control shot and it has caused me to gain almost 20 lbs. I was 135 when I got on it...I am now 155. Fuck that. I tend to crash diet a lot because I'm impatient, but it works!! I've already got a plan. I'm trying to drink like 3 tropical punch fuzes a day, along with 1 salad. I put my stats into this program that shows how much weight you will lose by a certain date. I'm going to religiously test it out beginning tomorrow. I'm going to eat 150-200 calories per day.

The red bar shows my goal. Let's see if this is achievable.